Phlegm Magazine
Contribution to Phlegm Zine #3 in collaboration with the Spit It Out project. This issue addressed eating disorders in the pandemic.
Words and photography by Nina Klaff. Read the full issue here.
Jade asked me to think of myself as a deity
and show you how it went
and the Great Art Man told me all Great Artists
must grapple with their own image
so here I am
in body
form
not quite a deity, but still
not quite not, not yet
I started out
immaculate and plastic
some time and science and i’m here
still
is it ungrateful
to sometimes question it
being here
dappled gold
and still
perhaps he was right
(they usually are)
.
I put the gold where the sweat drips
simply put
does my memory have to be true
because
I do remember the last time I was touched
but not by you
my mother’s hair brushed my cheek yesterday
but on her day we stood apart
and I baked challah for us on friday
I wove the strands of dough like she used to
plait my hair
once she had brushed the day out of me
.
four walls leave space for it all
and time (don’t say it)
might be all we have
can I ask
how many calories in the holy bread
will it make my hips swell
or worse - my belly flesh
till i have to plait it under plastic elastic
and pat it down
to keep it flat
is this the kind of thought you share?
I never used to, until I did
that’s all it ever was
even then
just a question
can I ask you?
do you remember what touch feels like?
